The Desperate Hours

April 1972 saw the first showing of the Steptoe & Son episode, The Desperate Hours. It is famous for the bringing together of two of the greatest British comedy actors ever; Leonard Rossiter and Harry H Corbett.

It certainly was a desperate plot, bleak and with no little sadness. Both Harold and Albert find their soul mates in the form of Johnny and Frank, escaped villains from the nearby Scrubs. Whilst there are the usual laughs within the episode, the real majesty of this edition lies in two comic angles : (i) that Harold has been held back all his life by his father and (ii) that Johnny and Frank are actually better off with their prison lives than the Steptoes' are with their existence.

The programme starts with Harold and Albert playing cribbage (Albert winning, as was usual in nearly all 'games' scenes between the two). The house is freezing cold, the Steptoes' have no money, no food, no ciggies, no booze. Work has been very bad in recent weeks. They do have the comfort of a wireless though, and hear that two dangerous prisoners have escaped from Wormwood Scrubs. Then the lights fail, the money has run out and they have to use foreign coins in the meter. There is a knock at the door and Albert goes to answer it whilst Harold finds a suitable coin for the electricity. When the lights come back on, the old man is being held by a frightening looking Johnny (Leonard Rossiter) with crow bar in his hand, and his partner in crime Frank, an old man not dissimilar in appearance and stature to Albert (and played by J G Devlin, a Northern Irish actor with a splendid accent). The crooks are certainly menacing, and more so when they realise the Steptoes' are going to be of absolutely no help with their escape. They want grub. There isn't any. They want to use the phone. It has been cut off. The final straw for Johnny is when he asks Harold for his car keys. After Harold explains that the 'garage' in the yard is actually for the horse, Frank says 'We can't make a getaway on a horse, Johnny'. Harold replies ' Why not? Dick Turpin did ' !

Johnny just can't believe that of all the houses they could have chosen to break into, they chose this one ! Albert finds some disgusting stale food and cold lumpy porridge from breakfast time, which Frank eats with relish. Johnny reckons if they served up stuff like that in prison there would be a riot and if that was what Harold had to eat, he would be better off inside. At one stage he winds Harold up by eyeing his pet goldfish - 'what are these like grilled ' ? Harold begs Johnny for a cigarette which he lets him have.The episode then enters a phase where the cast splits in two. Albert takes a real liking to old Frank ( in part I think because he gratefully accepted Albert's food), feels sorry for him and accuses Johnny of treating him badly just because he is old. He recognises that is exactly how his son treats him. Meanwhile, Harold and Johnny empathise with one another. Johnny says that Frank was to blame for his life of crime in the first place and he had no chance of escape with the old man in tow. Harold recognises that that is exactly what his father has done to him. Johnny says he was a bank clerk with prospects, until, turning to Frank ' you came in to open an account'. Harold says he could have been a doctor. ' You could well have had a string of abortion clinics by now' sympathises Johnny.

When Johnny decides they have to go, Frankie declares he is too exhausted. 'Too exhausted ?' asks Johnny. 'We've only come 500 yards'. And so he decides to go alone. Albert is disgusted with him. Harold urges Johnny to get going. Frank plays the bad health card for sympathy ( just as Albert always does in other episodes when he needs to). As police car sirens sound in the distance, Johnny even offers the old man £1000 if he lets him go alone (it's in a safe deposit box at Waterloo). But, after a few moments hesitation, it all gets too much for him. Resignedly, he gives in. 'With a bit of luck we can be back at the Scrubs in time for supper ' ! Perhaps typically, both old men tell one another they both have good lads (typical that is after they have got their own ways). Albert agrees to visit Frank and take in some lumpy porridge. Johnny asks Harold if he will visit him.The meter then runs out again and the Steptoes' have to rely on Johnny for a coin. With the house still in darkness, the prisoners leave, but not before Johnny, in an act of compassion, deposits what is left of his packet of cigarettes on the table. When the lights come back on they are gone. As the closing credits roll we see Johnny and Frank re-entering their cell.

There will be few Steptoe & Son fans who have not watched this episode time and time again. It is, arguably, one of the most famous sit-com episodes in TV history. Not particularly because of it's comic content, which was no higher than many other S&S editions, but because of the feelings that arise from the story - line. The writers, Galton and Simpson, brilliantly created two one off characters who were from a different world but remarkably similar to our lovable rag and bone men. It allowed them to highlight once again the paucity of the Steptoes' life and Harold's never ending fight to escape from his old man. By the end of the episode they are shown to be worse off the than two convicts. That was a bit sad I reckon. Thankfully in other shows they are not quite so poorly off. The excellent Leonard Rossiter was very dark and threatening in his portrayal of Johnny Spooner and it was wonderful to watch him and Harry H together. A shame it was only for twenty minutes or so.

My favourite moment comes quite early on with Harold complaining about being so hungry. ' Do you know what I've had to eat today' ? he asks Albert. 'Half a carrot. And I had to fight to get that out of the horse's mouth'.